99 Problems But A [Breakfast Item] Ain't One

Sometime this month, one of The Wall Street Journal's old-ass editors discovered social media advertising and ordered one of its marketing reporters to write a story explaining to its old-ass readers why a dude pretending to be a restaurant chain is yelling at them through the computer.

The resulting story is a Greatest Hits collection of social media advertising trend piece clichés, replete with insufferable "20-somethings" rationalizing their worthless profession, cautionary tales of brand tweets gone awry, and always, always, a reference to The Time Oreo Tweeted During The Super Bowl, a mostly menaningless event that lives on as reporter shorthand for "I have nothing interesting to say at this time."

This particular article is about Denny's Twitter account, a frequent subject of these kinds of stories owing to the fact that the diner chain is one of the only companies ballsy enough to ask its social media managers to keep a straight face while telling reporters about how they are paid real American dollars to make the sort of observations a third-grader might make while everyone else is trying to watch a sporting event or television show.

Some highlights from the folks at Denny's and its social media agency, Erwin Penland, courtesy of WSJ:

  1. An inside look at a Denny's brainstorming meeting convened to determine the best Jay Z song to rhyme with a food item in "celebration" of his birthday.


Denny's community manager Alan Hanson explaining the magic behind the chain's popular "Hashbrown on fleek" tweet, which referenced a viral video clip made by the Vine user Peaches Monroe.


The company's own chief marketing officer basically tells the Journal that he has no fucking idea whether co-opting the vernacular of a young black woman is putting "butts in seats" at a restaurant chain patronized pretty exclusively by old white men (Hint: Probably not!).


Riding high on WSJ's publicity, the Denny's social media team underscored its eminent uselessness today with a series of shitty jokes about "Dark Sky Paradise," a forthcoming album by the rapper Big Sean that @DennysDiner mistakenly thought was by Kanye West, perhaps because the people running it don't actually like rap music and are mostly just pretending becuase they want people to buy mass-produced eggs and hashbrowns.

High fives all around. Great #relationship #building.