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Monday

16

November 2015

Terrorism Through The Eyes Of Google Glass

by ChadzwickGlustone

this week, Jayceon has returned to us from his conference in Davos to address the terrorist attacks on Paris this past Friday

After this past week’s events, literally thousands of people have demanded my take on what our next move should be. I understand why. As the founder of Bunglr, an angel investor in CrumHole, and a featured blogger on CircuitBastards.ly, I have a perspective on international terrorism few others have. Now, I’ve often said venture terrorism is exactly like counterterrorism. However, I realize how wrong I’ve been. As recent events have revealed, counterterrorism is considerably easier.

The first thing you gotta do is realize the context the attacks in Paris took place in. Let’s look at France. Can you name a good French app? I sure can’t. An overheard conversation at the Davos indicated to me that they punish success with a 98 percent tax on earnings above 400,000 euros a year. Ridiculous. This has caused a pincer movement on French law enforcement and intelligence agencies: with no incentive to do their jobs well (yeah, let me get a big bonus so I can lose it all in taxes) and the famous French political correctness, they basically have no reason to investigate credible threats.

Then, you have ISIS. Let me just get this out of the way. I know a lot of you are gonna say, Jayceon, you’re a weird guy who seemed to get rich by accident, haven’t been part of a successful business in 10 years, and are extremely racist. Well, thank you for letting me know that you’re jealous of me.

ISIS is a conglomerate of disgruntled ex-Ba’athists, sexless Londoners, and people who are sick of politically correct workplaces. In some ways, it is the world’s fastest growing startup. That just goes to show you there’s a bad side to everything good, and good side to everything bad.

Anyway, ISIS has one goal, and one goal only: destruction. These pernicious villains seemingly came out of thin air, with no rhyme or reason for their existence. There just simply isn’t any geopolitical event I can point to and say, there that’s why they exist. As such, they’re compelled by some kind of demonic rhythm to kill.

The only way to deal with people like that is actually 2 ways. First, make the investment climate in France friendlier to the business class. This will give would-be ISIS members opportunities as Uber drivers and Airbnb building managers. Hard to wake up to do jihad in thousand thread count sheets.

The second way is to go all out on ISIS and their supporters.

We have to take the precision of Spotify’s recommended playlists, the speed of TaskRabbit, and the sheer awesome destructive power of Netflix when it comes to these terrorists. I have technically never served in the military, but I was alive for every war from Vietnam to Grenada, and thusly have a bit of an understanding. War isn’t a halfway game. You can’t ask questions and shoot later. You have to have a 100 percent war if you’re going to have a 100 percent victory. My innovator’s solution is that every week we use an algorithm to determine a random target, bomb it to hell, and then play again. The random selection will cause ISIS to rethink who they’re messing with, or die.

The combination of a victory in the battlefields and the French New York Stock Exchange/NASDAQ will be a certified win win. Just goes to show you that when you plan right, the worst things can be the best things.

ChadzwickGlustone

Keurig. Ideas. Memories. Thoughts. Heineken. Tassimo. Both my parents are dead.