by Conrad Updog
Valentine's Day is on the horizon, and PR fam everywhere are loading up their tangentially related form pitches in the hopes that someone will be desperate enough for #content to shoehorn their brand/startup into a story.
In a way, it makes sense, seeing as how Valentine's Day is an annoying, contrived holiday created to get people to spend money on shit they don't need, just as PR is an annoying, contrived profession created to get people to spend money on shit they don't need.
If you are the recipient of one of these unfortunate email pitches, please
contact us on Updog forward it to us at ConradUpdog@gmail.com. We promise to blur out your name and the name of the PR person who sent it to you (we do shame the agency, though).
Today, we show some (wait for it) love to a truly awful pitch on behalf of an app that is "fundamentally changing the interaction between people and their health."
What does this app do, you ask? Why it tells people where they can get tested for STDs and then sends them the results via the app instead of by email or telephone. Revolutionary!
Moving beyond the fact that it's probably easier to just Google where your nearest clinic is than it is to download an app entirely for that purpose, this pitch doesn't even really make sense.
Is 2.5% of the population using online dating to find hookups really causing a spike in STDs? Is this really relevant to Valentine's Day, a "holiday" for people in monogamous relationships?
One thing to think about before you send a pitch is what kind of story a journalist would write if he or she accepted it. In this case, the lede would be, "Are you planning to have casual, unprotected sex on Valentine's Day? If so, you should download an app telling you where there are places you can get tested and then get tested so that maybe you will wear a condom for the casual sex encounter you are planning!"
SPOILER ALERT: No one is writing that story, and you are wasting everyone's time.
Have a great weekend, and please, please, please send us your best worst pitches at ConradUpdog@gmail.com.