by Conrad Updog
The world is in many ways a cold, miserable place, and all of us try to make the experience bearable at times by telling ourselves things that aren't necessarily true.
While our forecast may look rotten today, perhaps tomorrow we will find the inspiration to work on that novel we've been kicking around, or the willpower to shed the extra pounds we've been carrying for far too long.
But there are some affirmations that are just so willfully absurd, so completely delusional that we cannot keep ourselves from mocking them.
This, from PR Daily, is one of those affirmations (in listicle form, no less!):
Look, we're not saying all PR people are bad and terrible, but if you're an adult human being unironically using the phrase "rule at life," it's pretty clear that you are, at best, a merely adequate life liver.
Let's see what reasons our author has in store for us! Perhaps there are some revelations about the PR profession we had never considered that will lead us to remark, "THAT'S SO TRUE" and share them with our similarly situated friends on social media!
Nothing says "romance" like getting a piece of thought leadership into a trade pub. Here is a PR person love poem I just wrote. It is called "Embargoed":
A vertically integrated platform
Will announce Friday
His love for Jennie
A market leader in the beauty space
The partnership will allow both parties
To leverage each other's unique capabilities
And delight their respective users
If you know what I'm saying
Press release attached
Spoiler alert: Every single one of the things on this list can be boiled down to "you are above average at communicating."
That may or may not be true, but I don't think you need to be a seasoned PR veteran to tell the doctor your tummy hurts.
"On Monday, February 9, AX Media will be announcing the launch of the company's Content Lab, a proprietary in-house studio dedicated to helping brands develop original, native content that’s engineered to be delightful to watch, informative, engaging and often times, viral."
"I am literally a camel."
"Thanks for getting back to me! Would you be able to connect me with someone else who might be interested in this story?"
"My friend Jessica is the fucking best, totally rules at life. Yeah, she always knows the best brands to tweet at. I don't even know how. She just fucking KNOWS, you know?"
Public relations is a distinguished profession, whose practicioniers are known the world over for their understanding of Latin roots. They are fierce intellectuals, and everybody knows this.
Actually, the New York Times story this one links to refers specifically to people who write about their personal experiences, which is pretty much the exact opposite of writing invitations to deskside meetings and press releases for the company that is changing the way fishermen do crowdfunding. I am confident that sort of writing is pretty shitty for your mental health.
On the bright side, this was a pretty good example of deception by omission, an actual PR skill that somehow got left off of this list.