Don't Trend On Me!

A place to discuss terrible public relations and marketing.

Friday

16

October 2015

How Bad Do You Want It?

by ChadzwickGlustone

Every day, I see would-be partners rack their brains over getting ahead in the fast-paced public relations industry. They try everything; yoga retreats, leadership seminars, going back to management school, even hypnosis. But there’s only one thing that can keep a truly attentive PR pro back when they otherwise deserve success: desire.

King Solomon once wrote “desire will begat more desire”. He never lived to see the world of elevator pitches and informative interviews we live in today, but he was right here. Seeking clients and optimizing their exposure to the media just out of desire will leave you empty.

That’s why if you’re serious about making it in the world, you’ll submit to chemical castration.

In 2009, I wondered why I my client roll was slim. Like a blind man wandering cursing the objects he ran into, I was to blame. I was distracted. My awful appendages were telling me to mate, to desire, to lust. In time when I should have been considering synergistic podcast live reads and interactive billboards, I was guided by my filthy hormones.

A quick flight to Argentina and 10 grand later, I was changed. Where once I sought validation of the flesh, I now only saw the client. My calls were in a zone outside of time. PR became me. I let it into my soul. This can be you too, if you’re serious about your future.

Nothing makes a prospective client more comfortable than the steely, resigned gaze of someone who’s had their ability to reproduce, much less feel pleasure there, removed with dangerous lab chemicals. If you’ve go a hot new startup, who are you going to go with: the guy who’s haphazardly arranging media appearances while contemplating when his ape brain can experience a serotonin boost from sexual activity, or a biologically optimized PR machine?

Forget your clients for one second, and think about how this looks to partners. They’re sick of hearing “I moved from Iowa to work here!” or “I abandoned my kid to tell a tech guy not to say homeless people should be used as coal”. If they know your former genitals are as smooth as your presentations, you’re in. There’s no replacement for dedication.

We millennials have quite the reputation of laziness and complacency that we deserve. It’s our time to show our bosses that some of us are the exceptions to that rule.

ChadzwickGlustone

Keurig. Ideas. Memories. Thoughts. Heineken. Tassimo. Both my parents are dead.