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A place to discuss terrible public relations and marketing.

Friday

23

October 2015

Ahmed, Thank You

by ChadzwickGlustone

[Jayceon has blessed us with his weekly feature once more, this time addressing Ahmed and his lone success]

It’s been a long road for Ahmed the Clock Kid. First, he built a clock that just plain sucked. No special features, and it was in a suitcase for whatever reason. Then, a police department that should be privatized anyway arrested him. Finally, he was turned into a media sensation and invited to the White House, a veritable Mecca of antiquated Big Government buffoonery in desperate need of a disruption enema.

However, he’s turned a corner this week after accepting an offer to emigrate to Qatar to study (http://gawker.com/ahmed-the-clock-kid-is-moving-to-qatar-1737692138). I was worried about this kid! I thought wow, big media story rooted in victimhood, special attention from the Taxer-In-Chief, and even with the generous unpaid internship offers from Twitter and others, this is headed to Hell in a tote bag. It seemed like a classic case of a naive kid being indoctrinated into the cult of old thinking. Little did I know his clock was reading the right time: now, because he’s going to Qatar.

The emirate is a disruptor’s paradise. Instead of the stodgy old governments rooted in constitutions, Qatar cuts to the chase with an absolute monarchy. The people have spoken, and they don’t want their legal protections to resemble user end agreements that are similarly useless. Emir Tamim bin Hamad al-Thani isn’t spending his days dithering about the latest poll numbers. He’s out there doing it. In a world where a single round of investment can turn a loser into an genius, that ability to act singularly and decisively counts.

Qatar isn’t burdened by restrictive labor laws that handcuff the output of the entrepreneur in America. Sure, bleeding heart Berkley types have played their small violins over the “dozens of deaths” incurred by Southeast Asian guest workers during the building of the 2020 World Cup Stadium (http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/dec/23/qatar-nepal-workers-world-cup-2022-death-toll-doha), but here’s a question: how many of them would die just the same if they didn’t have these generous wages? They’d probably starve to death. Also, everyone dies anyway. I bet you didn’t think of that.

Yes, the kafala system Qatar operates under, where employers hold the legal status of their migrant workers over their heads and can dump them in a dystopian stateless unpersonhood, has been criticized. You know what else used to be criticized? The steam engine. That also later became stupid when someone made something better (rendering its creator a bitch), but you see my point. In fact, if Jack Dorsey at Twitter is serious about saving his company, he’ll actually listen to Ahemd’s new home here! Imagine the revenue streams Twitter could have its engineers devise if their very lives were threatened by failing to produce. Pressure makes diamonds.

This nation’s laws, practices, and government are looking forward as hard as one humanly can without slipping a spinal disc. Feudalism is the wave of the future, and Ahmed has ditched his shitty clock for a hovering surfboard high on the tide of the cheapest labor available in a free market, a dynamic ruler, and an unsentimental business-based society. The only question is, will he invite the Obungler in Chief to his new country so he can learn a few things? Let’s hope so!

Sent from my Google F-35 Raptor.

ChadzwickGlustone

Keurig. Ideas. Memories. Thoughts. Heineken. Tassimo. Both my parents are dead.